Did you watch the royal wedding this past weekend?  Many people did, and the change that Meghan Markle (now Her Royal Highness) is making reflects major steps forward!  She seems wonderful, and has always had a heart for helping people and encouraging girls and women.  (This is where we all clap for her – or curtsey, as you will.)

I like the Royal family, they generate a ton for the UK, but even if you watched the wedding you were likely not invited, not just because you don’t actually know Meghan or Harry, but because we don’t frequent the world in which they live.  Meghan had famous friends due to the miracle of being successful in the entertainment industry (in no small part due to her looks), but if she had been a teacher, social worker, accountant, or if she had a weight problem, a weird feature, then her odds would have been fairly low (like 0%) of gaining the attention of a Royal.  (Kate drew William’s attention as a model in a lingerie fashion show.)

I’ve watched little girls and young ladies interviewed on the news proclaiming that Meghan has given them new confidence, and that is great.  Meghan as a bi-racial, divorced, American can still jump social barriers, and I cheer along with everyone.  

However, she still ascended based on her appeal to a man who had the power (from birth) to offer the “success” she now enjoys.  She will follow royal protocol, and have too much attention from the press, but I still feel that is not so much of a price to pay for absolute freedom from worry about bills, healthcare, education and opportunities for your children, and being overworked on a daily basis.  You know, like the rest of us.  But we rarely articulate all of that.  

Truth is that our “role models” as women are often those who gained their opportunities based on their appeal to the right man.  It doesn’t lessen their power or my admiration for the work that they do, however it is a subtext that we seem okay with ignoring and never speaking aloud.  (Maybe we can sing it. I was once watching a very old movie in which Al Jolson, surrounded by a chorus line of dancing women, sang the song, “You’d Better Stay Young and Beautiful If You Want to Be Loved.” Yep.)

I’ll say it: Meghan is a royal because Harry chose her.  She couldn’t earn it or aspire to it because it comes only through the grace of a man who has the power to choose.  Is that the story that is giving girls confidence?  I guess it is, because in reality there is so much truth to it.

If you admire any First Lady, we can applaud their good work, but they didn’t apply for the job.  They married it.  The only woman on the list of the wealthiest people in US was born into it. The wealthiest women in the world are “heiresses” or married a wealthy man.  We can’t compete with that, and there is no college major for “marrying into a rich family.”  

For the men, I can’t imagine the pressure in life to try to compete in a world where the “competition” has been handed the trophy of family wealth from the get go.  They can occasionally “marry” for stability but for the most part it is up to them.  (Although I did see Elton John’s husband at the royal wedding, so there is some hope, guys.) 

Yes, I have lots of issues with this entire subject, but it was summed up in a video posted by an Irish mom who had to explain to her lovely young daughter that she was NOT going to the royal wedding – because it isn’t for people like her.  (Cue the sound of my heart breaking for her.) That’s a hard lesson to learn: not for people like us.  

What is my point with all of this?  I suppose I would like us to speak more honestly about the conundrum, and question the class system, but I don’t know if that will ever change anything.  What I will speak for is holding up our own value, our own support of one another, our own ability to do good in our little part of our own little non-royal world, and not placing too much attention on those places where we are not invited.  

Our role models can be the teachers, parents, hard working men and women who truly make the world better, day by day, with no fanfare, no castles or carriages to keep them separate and special.  The women and men who change our lives rarely get a curtsey, or even a decent “thank you!” for all that they do.  I would like to change that….but…?

I’ll enjoy the news of the royal couple, wish them well, enjoy their lives and work from the internet sites that constantly feed us updates on “important” people like them.  But like the rest of you I will get up in the morning, and again try to do what I believe is the right thing, even when no one is watching, even though I will never be a guest at the Palace.  

I mean, does it really make anyone a better person if they are famous or royal?  Hey, the Bible tells us that we are all sons and daughters of the Most High God, so maybe we should act like it; and if I want a crown I can always go to Burger King!

“For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.  So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”  For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs.” Romans 8: 14-17 

As I stood, mesmerized, in front of the wall display of Jimmy Choo designer shoes, time stood still.  When I finally looked around, Richard had a bewildered look on his face.  He had a shoe in his hand with the price tag dangling from it, so I’m guessing he was a victim of “sticker shock” and may have feared that I had been caught in the siren call of lavish footwear.  Jimmy Choo shoes are pricey.  

The alluring display was at the local “Fancy Mall” and although I was taking a rare walk through a store, the shiny and colorful high heels caught my eye and stopped me.  There was a time when I was well acquainted with those sorts of shoes, and I had even developed a near athletic level of proficiency such that I could run in high heels through gravel, no prob. It was the equivalent, in my day, of a gold medal winning triple lutz in figure skating.  Yes, I had shoe skills.  I’m sure you have unique abilities too.

At one time I knew the world of labels like Chanel (two C’s), Louboutin (red soles), Vuitton (LV), and so on.  It was a place that I inhabited for a relatively brief time in my life, but having come out of a strictly K-Mart blue light special and Murphy’s bargain basement context, I found that my ticket to an upscale atmosphere was somehow healing, like a super weird and expensive band-aid. 

I worked and I explored various and ridiculous things in order to feel as though I was permitted to be more than where I had come from.  I have some great memories along with a few regrets because flashy products and events can be distracting. I can’t go back now but I learned from it all.

When the kids were young I insisted on taking them, at least once, to the Opera, a ballet, a Broadway show, a dress up special event, a nice restaurant.  It wasn’t because I particularly wanted them to love any of it, but I wanted them to know that they could get through the doors to those elegant venues, and they belonged wherever they wanted to be.  They belonged.

So now, let me be clear about what I want to say to you: any and every good thing is for you.  You are permitted and worthy of the good things in life, enjoyment, meaningful missions, love and respect…every good thing.  If you, (like many of us) grew up questioning whether or not “people like us” could enjoy culture, education, true love, or an abundant and blessed life, then let me give you the holy truth: you are worth it, absolutely, no doubt.  If you believe and accept this, it will save you a whole lot of time and heartache, along with missteps and detours in life.  

Back at the mall, I didn’t even try on the Jimmy Choos, or the Valentinos, or the Manolo Blahniks, because they don’t appeal to me at this point; although I still like a lovely shoe and I have enough.  (I think Richard was relieved although he is valiant enough to always tell me I can get what I want.)  

I do still use nice perfume and I go to the Opera because those are things I truly enjoy.  The point is that my choices are no longer bound to my sense of worth or if the world values me or not, and I don’t have to prove anything to myself anymore.  I fought that battle already.  Oh, I have other battles to face, for sure, but life is a challenge.  It’s become more fun to give things than to get things at this point, so I have evolved.   

So next time you pass the luxury shoes, try them on if you get the urge, just to see how it feels.  Much like Cinderella, (or Cinderfella for the guys?) I’ll bet they fit just fine.  Hey, maybe test drive a dream car, Prince or Princess Charming.  You don’t have to choose those items, you don’t have to have that overpriced stuff.  The point is that you are worth it all just the same, and you can’t put a label on that!  

PS: God really loves you – exactly as you are.

“Well, that happened,” I said to Richard as I looked at a photo taken at my Ordination, eighteen years ago today.  

Have you ever looked at old photos of yourself and wondered about that person looking back at you from another time?  My first inclination, after gratitude, was to look at myself with some embarrassment because, gosh, I look much older now, and the dreams I had…well many of them remain in my heart, yet unrealized.   

That person in my old pic still looks shiny, and look at her smile, and see how she is surrounded by friends and family who have passed on and therefore closed the book of their earthly life?  Yet, here I am, with years of my life written that were only imagined at that long ago time.  And I wonder.

 That woman in the photo has not experienced the hollow sadness of the losses to come, the sharp pain of disappointment, the ache of guilt or regret, the breathless joy of dreams that have come true, of love bestowed, or gifts received; but all of those things are on the horizon, just out of her sight.  I am grateful for that wonderful Ordination day, but having celebrated it again today I put the pictures away, knowing that while all of them are cherished memories, those photos are no longer me.

So I turn away from an old photograph, and into a mirror of this day.  I see the lines on my face formed by tears of joy and sorrow that made my life deep and full, the sadder eyes that have recognized the reality of changes in the world that leave us wrung out at times yet hopeful, the smile tempered by the absence of loved ones who are no longer here with me but linger in memory and spirit.  I have changed. 

Yet, every line, imperfection, ache, pain, or regret has come from living this amazing life.  This gift of life has included experiences that have marked me, changed me, even wounded me (much as my ancestor in faith Jacob when confronted with the reality of God’s presence all along).  

Here’s the truth:  I wouldn’t change a thing. I wouldn’t rid myself of one sleepless night of mourning, not one tear of concern or love, not one moment of experience although I have at times been driven to my knees by the weight of life.  I wouldn’t change a thing because it has given me the love, the laughter, the people, the creativity that forms my life today.  So often unbidden, God was leading me, and although I rarely knew it in the moment, I know it now. 

Looking at my old photograph reminds me of how much has changed, and I think of it all as I contemplate that special day all those years ago.  I am so grateful. That happened.  It all happened.  Life goes on.  And I thank God.